給三個英語小故事吧，快點，要有翻譯，而且不要笑話，短，不要《北風(fēng)和太陽》的！急！

The Ass and the Grasshopper

AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew." The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.
驢子與蚱蜢
驢子聽見蚱蜢唱歌，被美妙動聽的歌聲所打動，自己也想能發(fā)出同樣悅耳動聽的聲音，便 羨慕地問他們吃些什么，才能發(fā)出如此美妙的聲音來。蚱蜢答道：“吃露水?！斌H子便也只吃露水，沒多久就餓死了。

　　有一天，一個英語老師伸出4只手，問大家4用英語怎么說。一個同學(xué)觀察得很細(xì)心，他見老師的手是彎著的，忙說：“這時彎的four，也就是wonderful ！”他的這一舉動讓大家極為震驚！
　　I Wasn't Asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我沒有睡著

　　當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！”

　　“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。

　　“沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已?！?br/>　　The poor husband

　　"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　可憐的丈夫

　　“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。”Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒？

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

　　哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時正在畫這些畫唄?！?br/>
　　Does the dog know the proverb, too?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　狗也知道這個諺語嗎？

　　一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人?！?br/>
　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”

　　一 Can we have our teacher back？

　　Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"

　　能讓我們的老師回去嗎？

　　有一次，一位督學(xué)去視察一個只有三間教室的學(xué)校。一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學(xué)抓住其中一個正在站著說話的人，把他帶進(jìn)另一間教室，并讓他站在墻角。五分鐘以后，一個小男孩從第一間教室走進(jìn)來，問道，“您什么時候能讓我們的老師回去呢？”
　　二 Who's More Polite?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　誰更有禮貌？

　　一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經(jīng)常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認(rèn)為他更有風(fēng)度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
　　三 Expensive Price

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　昂貴的代價

　　牙科醫(yī)生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？

　　牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

媽媽：你為什么不停地跳上跳下的？
湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了

Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
湯姆：威廉向我借五英鎊。我該不該借給他？
杰克：當(dāng)然應(yīng)該了。
湯姆：為什么？
杰克：否則他就該跟我借了。
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
媽媽：弗雷迪，你的臉為什么那么紅？
弗雷迪：我剛才在大街上跑，為的是阻止一次打架？
媽媽：你做的對，誰和誰在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。